Taraji P. Henson

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Andre Martinez in Real Life podcast. Oh my god, my
this is my ninja. I'm so happy you're here. I'm
so happy to be here. I feel like I had
early conversations with you about me having ideas to do
podcast thing or to do these kind of conversations or

(00:21):
a show. We've talked about both of our lives and
our careers many times, and I was like, do it.
What are you talking about? You the Voice of New York.
We will follow you like this seriously sweet. It's been good,
it's been interesting. I have learned about people, I have
learned about myself. I've done some self correct thing even

(00:41):
since I've started this, and I'm still doing I'm still
figuring out. I'm still figuring out what the platform is.
How are we gonna see what I really care about
about the conversations? Um, but when the one thing it
has been it has been real since the beginning. That's
the only thing that matters. It is right. You could
be anywhere and you can have the large just platform
in the world, but if you ain't talking about nothing real,

(01:02):
you're gonna miss the people. No, that's what it is.
That's what it is. So whenever I get off the
track a little bit. It's always like, I don't know.
This is one thing I'm working on that I wonder
if you do this to yourself too. It's like, um,
because you've had so much greatness you I mean t
you know, we're friends, so we don't necessarily sit around
and talk about our greatness. We just we're trying to

(01:24):
get through the day, right. But like, you have so
much greatness in your life that you have given to
the world, and so that comes with like joy and
pride and work and all the things that greatness comes with.
But there's other side that people don't ever talk about
and we don't ever see. It's like, um, the disappointment

(01:45):
to let down, the head conversations you have with yourself,
the imposter syndrome, those conversations that we run in our heads.
You know, nobody gets to see that I'm training to
be on you know what, you were so good at
it too, Listen you you would never know what I'm Honestly,
That's why I always say my message always to humans,

(02:09):
my fans, people that follow me, it's just please be kind,
Just be kind. Because yes, social media is where people
post and they live this fantasy, um realization it's not real.
Nobody's posting their pain. Nobody's posting the days where they

(02:30):
don't want to, when they don't give a fuck, or
they're contemplating, you know, suicidal audiation. Nobody's posting that, you
know what I mean. They're posting all the good or
on those dark moments when they come out on the
other side, they post the other side. But no one's
posting the darkness. You know. That's why you gotta take

(02:51):
that social media with a grain of salt, because at
this point we're all addictive. It ain't even about the
kids anymore. I know. It's a we're all addicted. You
hated accepted. You have to accept. No, I'm trying to
change it. I don't want to accept it. The only
way to change is to accept it. Here's what here?

(03:12):
What are you addicted to? Are you addicted to? What
part of it? For you like? What part though like?
Because for me, I like the I like when people
like what I like. So if I'm really proud of
something and I put it all back, I posted because
I'm really proud and I like it, and then I
see other people proud and they like it too, that
literally gives me joy. But the problem with that is
when they don't right, So you have that's not okay,

(03:36):
you can't look like that, but you have to control that.
And that's the thing is how you manage your addiction.
How do we manage it? Are you always healthy? Way?
Are you always self correcting? Because I'm always self correcting
to the point of so like all the time. Oh,
it's terrible. It is terrible. Things will wake me up
out of my comato sleep. You need not addressed this,

(04:00):
Like literally, I have issues with sleeping because my my
mind won't rest. I will leave this conversation and this
interaction will go because we're going out, and we're going
out after that, right, But I will leave this night
and it's a beautiful night. It's a soul fulfilling night.

(04:21):
I know it is as always is when we have
these interactions. But I will leave the situation to be like,
what did I say? Was that offensive? Like I really
even with your friends. Wow, I'm not gonna say I
don't do that. I have done that. Um, I don't
know that it's a regular thing. I think there is
a core group of people that I most of the time.

(04:44):
But I guess you're right. I guess even with even
with close friends, I'm always watching what I say. You
know what I was like, Oh my god, was that offensive?
Do you think she took when she blinked her eye
her left eye? What did that mean? You know? Like
that's how I'm wired. Even with my mom, Like people
that I know that will never shun me of love
because they know I'm human. I still have those moments.

(05:07):
What is that? Where does that come from? What is
that root to? I think for me, for the Virgo
sign is the perfection thing. And you still feel like this.
I still feel like this, but I manage it because
because of the projects, the type of projects that I've
taken on, and I've seen the residual effect I've seen
from hidden figures, how a little black and brown girls

(05:31):
have been driven to dream to be scientists, to be
you know, mathematicians, to do coding. You know, I grew
up in a time where I was told math and
science was for boys. So I didn't dream those dreams.
So I know the impact of what I do, and
I know you have to take the good with the bad.
I didn't sign up this for sign up for this

(05:53):
for the fame. I'm very clear on why I do
what I do is it art can change the fact
lives in the most positive way if you handle it properly.
Like I'm clear on why I do. I'm clear on
why God gave me this gift. It's not it's bigger
than me. God put us here for humans make the
world go around. We need each other. Somebody's story affected you.

(06:17):
Somebody's story inspired you to do what you're doing, just
like somebody's story inspired me. It's so much bigger than
who you are and what you think you're doing. You
want to make God laugh, tell them your plans that's
so true, it's so true, or try to control of this.
This is an exercise. I'm I'm literally I'm in it

(06:39):
right now in my life. I'm in a pivot and
a change in my life and place in my life
where I'm really testing the waters of letting things happen
as opposed to um always making them happen. Not to
say I don't work hard, not to say I don't
have a vision and I don't execute and all those things.
But there has to be a certain amount of piece
that you give away that it's gonna be what it's
gonna be, and it's gonna be okay. I didn't have

(06:59):
that for most of my career. I'm just learning how
to do that now. And it's still a struggle. It's
I don't have it all the time, but sometimes when
I fall into the pocket, it's like, he don't disappoint
you never. It's like it's actually fascinating, and I'm sure
to be tapped in. Though. You gotta be tapped in
so you know exactly what I'm saying. I know exactly

(07:22):
what you're talking about. You have to be tapped in.
You can't. We think we're in control, and it's those
humbling moments when we realize, oh, I gotta surrender, and
I have to surrender in a way where I have
unshakable faith because things are gonna come at you and
you're gonna question your faith. You better not. You better

(07:42):
fucking not, because your faith is what got you where
you are. And you know, you gotta remember life is
spiritual warfare. You know those cartoons back in the day
when they hand a little devil over here in the angel.
That's literally life. That's every day, and it's a choice
every day, and it's a fight every day. Like literally,
in today's times, my joy is something I have to

(08:04):
fight for every day. Now that we have social media,
I have to fight for it. I have to fight
for it every day. And how do you choose? Like?
What what do you choose that works? Like on a
good day when you fought for it and you won,
what did you do? I fought against all the negative thoughts.
I chose gratitude. Whenever I feel in my darkest moments,

(08:28):
I run to gratitude because that's gonna shift my whole,
my my whole attitude towards life. It'll make me have compassion,
It'll make me give mercy and grace. Um. Once I
tap into um, the fact that I'm human and I'm

(08:52):
experiencing human moments every day. I'm not gonna be perfect
some days because of what I went through and my trauma.
I might choose violence, you know, but that's the battle,
that's the battle of being a human. How are you

(09:12):
doing overall? I just interviewed Jay Balbin and he told me,
you know, he's struggled with some things and his life too,
and he um, he's developed the system where he checks
in with his team and his friends and his family.
He asked, he asked them how happy are you on
the scale of one to tend And I love that.
I told him I was gonna steal it for the podcast.
It's really like to check in with people like how happy?
So I will ask you that miss sense, how happy

(09:34):
are you? I don't know? To be quite honest, I
thought I was happy. But the things that I thought
I'm gonna get emotional, I don't want to. The things
that I thought was making me happy, they don't. They
don't cut it anymore. And so I'm in a place
where what does that look like? And I'm kind of

(09:54):
spinning because I don't know the things that made me
happy before, Like you know, when I was going to
get married and that didn't work out. It's not that
it's not marriage, it's not a man, it's not. So
it's for me to tap into find my happiness. And
to be quite honest with you, Angie, I haven't been happy,
like purely happy in a long time, your hands, I haven't.

(10:19):
I'm sorry I'm not because it's just a wake up
call and I'm still here, I'm still living, so that
means I have time to find it and and it's
work and it's okay because it's it's uh for the
benefit of me, and I ain't gonna do with nobody
else A man, a friend. This is all me and

(10:40):
I'm I'm excited about this next chapter in finding this happiness.
Don't you feel like that could? Because I always think
when I'm in the time of my life, I don't know.
I just feel like we all have moments in our
life where we have to pivot, right, we have to pivot.
Oh my god, I posted that. I said it's time
for pivot. Go ahead. Yeah, So that's what it is.
All of us have those moments, right, and those moments
are tough, a pivoting and shifting and changing what you

(11:03):
cared about, changing how you view the world, changing how
you gonna your operating systems. It's not easy. Some people
don't make it, or some people stay still and stagnant
because they're afraid of that. They're afraid of evolution, They're
afraid to pivot. And it's just so sometimes we have
to go through to be because how are you supposed
to be happier if you can't be unhappy? How you

(11:24):
have to be able to identify that you are unhappy?
And you know, one thing I know about me is
that I don't fear change. I celebrate it, and as
uncomfortable as it is, I know that when I get
to the other side, I want to be a better person.
I will have a story to tell that's going to

(11:45):
inspire and help and change someone else life for the better.
And that's why when I talk to people, I'm like,
if you have a story to tell, tell it. No
one wants to hear how easy your fucking life was,
because life ain't easy. Nobody believes goddamn what color you are,
how privileged you are. Life ain't easy, and it's getting
harder and harder every day. Right, So if you have

(12:09):
a story to tell, if you come through some tribes
with you, you need to share it because you're gonna
inspire someone. You're gonna you're gonna give somebody the motivation
to not give up, to not to quit, you know. So,
I like, when I'm in these places, when you're that
gray area, you got to celebrate that gray area because
coming out of that is your rebirth. It's your resurrection.

(12:29):
You can't run from that. Has this happened to you before,
absolutely many times, So you've had this a few times.
I'm going through it right now. And another thing is
when you see people happy doesn't mean that they're not
going through anything. You know, you came in here super happy.
Anybody in this room who didn't know you or didn't
have the chance to sit with you and have this
like deeper conversation, it's like she's like the happiest lady

(12:53):
on the planet because you because it's what you present
that this is what a lot of people present that
and that's how you get to the place like how
did this person die by suicide? I know, I know.
So that's why I always air on the side of kindness,
because you never know. We all have our crosses to bear.

(13:14):
Some wear it on their sleeves, some are very open
about it, and some choose not to for their whatever reasons.
But that's why you air on the side of kindness,
because you never know what a person is going I
had this weird thought the other day that maybe, like,
because I saw all these posts about you never know
you know twitch on Twitch. I saw everybody posted about it,
and uh, people were It's just people are so mean

(13:36):
and people are so interested in judging and um, I
don't know, just saying so smart ass ship or being
cruel to people. It's like, I wonder if the whole
world isn't because I feel like everybody's going through something
right now, and I'm wondering if the whole world is
going through something because the whole world needs to be
checked about how much judgment there is out here, how

(13:56):
much me ship is out here. I just feel like
some people need to get checked. Well, what we're discovering
is there a lot of people in pain because hurt
people hurt people they have to because they have to
ignore their own pain and trauma. And so that's what
it's bringing up. It's bringing up the pain that people
are going through. And so to shift that pain, they misguided,

(14:19):
they misdirected, and they directed onto somebody else. And we know,
you know any human that can pull back and go,
you know what, give them a minute that wasn't I
shouldn't have said, or did you know who has the
time to slow down? Like the news cyclists, you know
what I mean, something happens, you're like the next thing,
it's something else to worry about it. It's so much

(14:41):
coming at us and and and light speeds moments like
we don't have time to heal from one to the next.
How do. How are we? You know, it does make
me feel better when I if I think I'm going
through something or feeling you hear somebody else it does.
I'm like, Okay, well, you're never alone. And that's the

(15:03):
thing about this mental health piece. No one is alone.
I don't care. I can sit up here and smile
on your face and be but and you know I'm
going through ship you know it. But um, at the
end of the day, it's about fighting for your joy
and finding it because yes, life is gonna throw you curveballs.

(15:26):
Yes it's unpredictable, but at the end of the day,
you have it. Some people ain't waking up to figure
it out and make it better today. You know. Some
people they checked out and that's what they gotta go
home with, you know what I mean. So the fact
that you're still able to wake up the next day
and try and try again, that's all you can do

(15:47):
as a human as long as you're learning, as long
as you're learning along the way and you're not turning
back your back you turn the stone. What are you
learning now? What it's like? What are your recent lessons? Oh,
patience is always my lesson because you ain't got it
yet because you haven't. You haven't I feel you by
the way I feel you, I've gotten better. I'm a

(16:10):
better version of myself. I'm a better version. But it's still. Yeah,
that patience thing is Honestly, I think that's what we've
been here, placed on earth to practice patients seriously us.
Maybe not everybody, but that might not be. Everybody's heard
everybody New York go out and listen to these damn

(16:31):
carl see damn horns. Where are you racing to the
next red lights? Like stop? I know my Uber driver
was beeping before. I was like, sir, you're beeping. They
can't go anywhere. It doesn't you're just making because it
was upon us we're bag you'll be beeping. Yeah. Trying
to find peace. I'm trying to find peace any means
necessary in the world that is trying to cram down

(16:54):
our throat. Non peace, like it's everything you look at,
anything you turn on, tell it's a fight. It's a fight.
There's no peace, there's no rest, fear fear mongering. And
I believe in God, I believe in love, I believe
in positivity. That's what I have to lean on because

(17:17):
other than that, it's darkness. I can't live in darkness.
Darkness is death. You ain't living. You have to pick
a side. I want to live. So I'm going to
choose light. I'm going to choose the light. I'm gonna
choose love. I'm going to choose positivity every time, because
that is where life dwells, doesn't dwell in fear and hate.

(17:39):
That's so good and it's a choice every day, Like
you said, day, there are days I did you know.
I'm about to go to boy for a month by myself.
It's my own spiritual journey. I love this for you.
Tell me about this. Wait, do you normally do trips
by yourself? Never? I think I've told this before. I

(18:01):
used to do this every single year. I'm like a
year out, haven't done it, and my spirit is like,
so I did it first. Maybe I'm only four or
five years ago, and then I did it every year
because when you do it, whenever you're with somebody else,
you're on their time and their energy. Even if it's
the best friend, you're somebody to consider, it's just you
got problems you can't really focus on. You go by yourself,

(18:24):
you wake up by yourself. It's your own thoughts. If
you forced that you just and you could be at
peace and comfort. I love it. I haven't never done
it a long long time. Normally, my trips for myself
would be like four days, I'll go go to turks
sitting and by the pool for four days. Books, pen right, no,
just whatever, but Polly sounds listen, it's gonna take me

(18:47):
twenty four hours to get there. That's by myself. That's hey, God,
let's get up my mouth. So like that's literally by myself,
and then I'm going to be there by myself. It's
I'm wow. Literally is this because of where you're at
and you're trying to la. I gotta find my happiness
And it's not in my friends, it's not in my mama,

(19:09):
it's not in you know, it's me. It's me and
this is the work I gotta do. So that means
work gets shut down everything Well, it's it's the perfect time.
I'm the type of person that if I'm not my best,
I don't want to be around people because I feel
like God has given me a gift to lift people up,

(19:30):
and so if I'm not capable in my own being
to do that, to get low and I don't want
to go because I don't want to bring everybody down.
I know that about me. I know that I'm an
energy transfer like everybody is. But I wonder that for
you sometimes as your friend and just watching you and
a fan of your career, you're you're always the life

(19:53):
of the party, your life of the party. And it
was it was my best friend that said it. It's
like it is very challenging. She said, you know, I
watch you and to Rogie, no matter what you're going through,
you will go into it. She said, You're such an impath.
You're so compassionate that no matter what you're going through,

(20:16):
and I know you'll go into a room and you'll
see people not able to pull themselves up, and you'll
be that person and you'll ignore your whole what you're
going through, your mental state, you'll ignore it just to
lift that room up. And I'm just getting to it.
I'm just getting to this point where it's like it's

(20:38):
empty for me now, like I can do it, and
I I love it. I love to make people happy
and smile. But then what about me? Because I go
home and the shadows and the four corners of my room,
Who's there to lift me up. M hm. So this
trip to Bolly and got to do with my friends,
my mama, my day. It No, this is me. What

(21:02):
are you hoping to get out of it? I'm trying
to find that happiness again, the happiness that that was
innately in me, you know you like a happy kid,
Like I was the only kidd you know, I could
play by myself. I had the most incredible imagination. That's

(21:24):
why I'm an actress. That's why I am the actress
that I am because I had so much time alone
and all I could do was create and pretend that
the other person was sitting. I had to pretend you
were there. I didn't have you know, you know what
I mean. So that's me. That's what I do, and
it's in me, like I grew up like that. But um,

(21:45):
I just hit my glass ceiling. I think, you know,
lifting rooms and being the life of the party is
like where is your life? Yeah? But what a blessing
that you could Number one, be comfortable enough to say
that clearly, you gotta be comfortable enough to tell your
whole team and everybody involved with you, like I'm going

(22:07):
away for a month and being okay with that and
and just have the the will and the ability to
be able to be like it got so dark that
I couldn't see, and I was afraid because for the
first time, the person who everybody thinks is so strong
was not, and I was scared for myself. I don't

(22:32):
think I would ever harm myself, but suic suicidal ideation,
it's real, it's real. I get it. I don't have
those thoughts. I haven't. I don't know in my life.
I'm sure I have period, but but I understand it's real.
I understand how I understand, especially now where things you

(22:57):
see people who are strong, you deemed to be strong
or happy, happy, Yeah, but they're doing the same thing
you said you do. You show up in the room, smile,
you hug people, you give them love. That that has
nothing to do with what's going on inside. Yeah, I mean,

(23:18):
thank god, I'm I'm as somebody who cares about you.
I'm grateful that you have the will and the um
and to care for yourself to even make that take
that shift, make that change. I'm proud of myself. I
feel very proud to be able to look in the
camera and say I'm not that strong, like I'm fighting

(23:41):
for my joy every day. It's a fight. Every day
is a I feel like I'm fighting for my life,
you know, because I feel like so many people look
up and they're counting on me. You know what I mean.
I don't feel like no hero. It's okay, baby, you

(24:02):
take a second. I'm not a fucking hero. Like I'm
not I'm not perfect. I'm somebody who I'm a human.
I'm flawed. I'm trying to figure this thing out every day,
and um, it just for me right now, I just
seem like it's getting harder and harder. But is it?

(24:24):
Is it? Is it my perception? Is it what I'm
putting on? It? Is it? You know, when you get
into a dark place, you go you can compound yourself
with the darkness, you know, and it's all about your thoughts.
And it's like, am I doing this to myself? Is
this happening in real time? I just I'm finally to

(24:45):
a place in my life where I just need to
say it's like a whoa. Everybody stopped, Thank god, thank god?
You know what I mean? Can we get a tissue too?
I just want to make sure she's okay. Maybe you
aren't it's crazy because you talk so much about like
what we do and that we do it for other people,

(25:06):
even you sharing your story. Now this is hard, and
even as your friend is hard, I kind of like
want to stop. But if after that, and you know
I listened, if after this you had said to me,
just so everybody's clear, if after this she says to me,
cut it all out, I would. I would come back
and cut it all out, you know why. But I'm
just saying I know, and I feel safe with you
as what I'm saying, well, just know that because but

(25:29):
I also feel at the same time cutting out of
this ship, you know why, because people need to see it,
and I think that's what we got his paper towels
though whatever, Okay, it's okay, I'm okay, it's the perception. No,
this is what I'm saying to the reason I don't
stop you. The reason I don't stop you, even though
as my heart, as your friends like, I want to
protect you. But um, there's somebody who is in the

(25:52):
same place you are or worse and hasn't doesn't have
the You've done a lot of work on yourself, You've
done therapy, you've read a lot, you are you travel
the world, you are. You know, you have the ability
to say I'm not good and I'm gonna shift and
I'm going to do these other things. There are people
right now that are not good, but don't They don't
know how to say it. They don't know how to

(26:12):
say it. They don't even have the capacity to kind
of understand what it's going to take to get you
out of it. And so you sharing that I think
is really important because we have all been there. You've
seen me there. Oh my god, remember we for your birthday. Yes,
I was not good. I know, I kept my eyes
on you. No, but that was not good. But I

(26:35):
was coming out of it right now that moment you were,
and I'm and the reason why I knew you were
coming out because you came out, you know what I'm saying.
You could have been like I'm not coming. You could have,
but you came, you know, and even though I know
you weren't at your best, but you were at your
best because you were honest with yourself, You were honest

(26:55):
with us, You were honest with me. I knew exactly
where you were, so I didn't push hard with Angie.
She not at the you know, what I mean, like,
because you were honest and you communicate. I was like,
give her, let her sleep in like she needs, Like
this is not about a turn up for her, listen
about something else. And what happened at the end of that,
everybody walked away from that celebration a better person. My

(27:18):
other girlfriend just lost her mother, like it was and
it was like all your friends, I didn't really know
all of them like that. You invited me, and I
was like, and I needed to go away. It was
this was after the accident, hadn't really come outside yet.
My body was still hurt. I still was just I
was tired. I just was like tired. I didn't know
what was next. I didn't feel cooked, I didn't feel

(27:38):
connected to nothing. I was just like it wasn't like
I was sad. I wasn't like sitting in my room crying.
But I just was like I couldn't. I was just
that was odd moment. It was just I just was
like stuck in kind of like what had happened, how
I had changed, and I didn't know what was next.
So I was just uncomfortable and then you invited me

(27:59):
and so I went and I was a little quiet,
right like you were. Then You're awakening happened and it
was like, oh my god, I didn't know how much
I needed that sad I got on the water. The
ocean was very healing. The ocean is very healing. Um,
but I tried. I was trying to be and I
thought I was presenting well. I didn't know anybody could
see it. And then you said to me on the trip,

(28:20):
you said, I just want to know, like I see
a difference from you from the time he came in
to the end of the trip, like you have let
let a weight go, and it felt, you know, it
was nice to have it was it was nice to
have a space where like I didn't have to tell
you everything single thing I was feeling, but like I
also had a space where could feel you were saying
without having to have to talk about everything, because I

(28:43):
go through stuff and a lot of times I don't
want to talk about it, you know what I mean,
Like it's triggering, I don't want but I just want
to be in a safe place where I can just
be me wherever I am right now. It might not
be the best me, but it is the version of
me always the best, and and and the fact that
I'm being accepted and celebrated in this version of me

(29:06):
is what's important, and that's what keeps me going right,
because then it dispels the I have to the perfection
I have to be or look or you know. My
friends don't care. They will pull up on me. If
my hello sounds off, they will pull up on me.

(29:26):
I don't care what country I mean. I remember when
John Single passed away, m hm that I was going
through a lot. And then that happened and my best
friend did not like she said, my hello sound weird
to her. She flew from DC to Vancouver, pulled up

(29:46):
on me. She said, yeah, I don't trust what you're
saying on the phone. I need to see you know,
Mary would do that. I think that is a very
important thing for people in life. I talked about this
on the show. Like the people that we choose as
friends literally can change your life. They literally lift you up,

(30:07):
they save you when you need to be saved, or
they bring you down, or they bring you down. Bad choices, right,
you have you have always been somebody who like shows
up like you take friendship seriously. I take it very seriously.
You can you can't choose your family, You can choose
your friends. You know, how does this all this like
You're gonna go to bothering for him a month, which
I'm so I'm like low key jealous but in a way,

(30:29):
but I'm so happy for you you're going to boy
for a month. How does this like, when you're going
through this pivot in this moment, these things, How does
that affect your career and your career choices? You know,
I don't care, because, um, I have to be in
control of me. I can lose myself giving it all

(30:51):
to the industry doing things because I have the job
to do. Funk that job. If I'm not mentally well,
if I'm not good, I won't service that role. I
won't service my fans. They will not get the best
of me. I can't do it. I just think because
like I know, you did that show. You're talking about
mount mental health, and you have these products, and you

(31:13):
know your brand is not if you're not just an
actress like you have right, You're not just an actress,
And so I just wonder how your brand shifts as
you shift as I as I um understand what my
life purposes, didn't it shifts? You know? I get clearer
on what my purposes. You know, at first I thought
it was just to be a glamor and superstar. You know.

(31:36):
Then it was like, but no, God gave you the mic.
What you're gonna say, don't suck it up like you
have the mic? Are you going to use it for
the greater good? What are you gonna do with this mike?
And so once I realized the impact that I have
on people, I took it very seriously and it wasn't
about picking the most positive characters. People need representation. And

(32:00):
so here we go with um hustling flow. She was
a whore. Let's just say what it is. She was
a woman of the night right. It's sex work. That's real.
People do that. Who am I to judge? How do
I make her human? How do I make people empathize

(32:21):
with her? How do I make people look at the
film and go, how do I find this shugar? I
want to help her. That's my job to make these
characters human, to make you not judge them. Right, you
see a black woman, she's loud and public. You might
think of Cookie before you judge her. You might go,

(32:43):
there's a reason why she's like that. You know what
I mean cookie, cookie, Um. I love her being in
the past. I think she's been you know what I
mean like that there's nothing to you know, bring back

(33:04):
for her. Like she did what she was supposed to do.
She she um, and she energized people to be themselves
whatever that looks like and be unapologetic. You have to
be so proud of even what you've done to now,

(33:24):
like if you did nothing else, like I'm very proud
I am. Um. Do you spend time on that thinking
about because I would imagined that you're like me where
you're like always like but what am I going to
do next? But what do I do after this? So? What? Okay,
so we have a great conversation, what is the next

(33:44):
conversation for me? That's my ship. It's like and I'm
trying to not be like that. I'm trying to like
not to not be motivated, but to be um okay
with however, I'm being used your narrative. Okay, get help me.
How are you going to use me next? That way?
It's open? You know, how are you? What platform? How

(34:06):
are you? You knew it was time for you to
move on? You knew that, But what am I doing next?
And you're onto it. This is how people want to
see you that we want to hear your voice of
New York. I'm sitting here. You understand what I'm saying.
People you built that, you did that, and people want
to hear your voice. It doesn't matter. You ain't gotta
be here or there wherever you're gon, We're gonna follow.

(34:30):
You know, No, I appreciate that, but I don't take
it lightly. I feel like you have the same way.
You don't take your ship lightly. It's like I take, Okay,
this is what you want me to do, I'm gonna
do it. Or this is what's my calling, or you
put me through these things in my life and you
give me like a yearning to want to share deeper more.
And so then how that's why I asked you, how
does it show up in your career? Because for me,
it's all together. Absolutely, people like separate, but it's all together,

(34:54):
or at least I feel most whole and most um
just peaceful when everything kind of is aligned and truthful,
and like, you know, if I have to act one
way over here and then go over here, and it's
exhausting to do that. So if I could create this
platform where I could kind of talk to the ship
I want to talk about and and I can control it.
And that's um, that's like a great I don't know,

(35:15):
it's just been good and you work your ass off
to get here and you're at the place where people
will listen. They want to listen. They want to hear
what you have to say because it matters and it
means something. Thank you. Yeah, but see, I don't know, No,
what do you mean? You don't know. I think that's
when you start getting tapped into ego a little bit,
you know what I mean. We'll see because I know you. Yeah,

(35:38):
you have your ego now, y'all gotta know. Ego is
a good thing. You need ego, you gotta That's what
Mike Tyson told me. Told me, away from it if
you have to check it. But you know, they say
that ego is like that's how that's but that's why
we suffer. Unchecked ego. Ego is the main clause of

(35:58):
checked ego. Unchecked ego is the main source of stuff.
Rag ego is there? So how do you check it? It? Bitch?
Settled down the best. See, here's the thing. This is
not a dig to anybody strive to be whatever you
want to be. But when you're connected and you know

(36:25):
that what you've been placed on this earth to do
and the messages that you've been placed on this earth
to relay are much bigger than you, there's no space
for ego. But you have to come to that first. See,
I don't strive to be the greatest. Let me tell
you why you did at one point. Let me tell
you why striving to be the greatest means you gotta

(36:46):
shoot on somebody else? Am I right or wrong? Usually? Well?
Does it? I don't know. I don't know. Does it?
Maybe you're not doing and intentionally because to be the greatest,
you're shunning somebody else's talent. How how how dare you

(37:08):
say you're the greatest? Why wouldn't What makes you the
way on the ground? What makes you're the greatest? What
I'm saying when someone is striving to be the greatest,
what makes you the greatest? Yeah? Well that can't be
your goal. That can't be what you're rooted in, Like,
you can't be trying to be better than everybody else,
because if you are, you're you're you're serving a different God.
Well you understand what I mean by that, yes, do

(37:30):
you understand what I'm saying? I do No, No, I
never me personally. I don't ever do that me. I'm
always trying top myself. I didn't think about nobody else ever,
because that's when you slip up. Once you start looking
over there and be like her show is killing it
or their show is killing and then you trying to
do what somebody else does and what you're not here
to do. That's when you start tripping up and whatever

(37:52):
you're doing. So when the person goes I want to
be the greatest, this is deep. I don't even want
to go here. Come up, please please, I'm just saying,
watch them. I don't want get it myself in any trouble.

(38:12):
But just look at the lives of the people who
said I'm the greatest and how it ended. That's all
I'm gonna say. God is the greatest. You feel me,
and God put you here to do his work. Check
your ego. I don't strive to be the greatest, because

(38:35):
that's serving something else. The humble man knows that God
gave him those talents to change and shift the world
into a better place. But when you get into im me,
I I I that's another God. Does that make sense

(38:56):
in a real way? Yes, Yes, this is what I'm
want to tell you. You are the one who told
me I had to have it ego. No, you gotta
have it. You gotta check it, gotta check it. It's good,
it's healthy to have it, ego. Keep it checked. I
don't think you go. I think confidence and I think um,
I think confidence. We all have ego. Every human has it. British,

(39:17):
it's our fight so much. Yes, I do human you
keep I'm asking this, but I'm not gonna try and
get you in trouble. I'm asking this is a genuine question.
I really would like to know about myself in what ways?
You know? But I'm not saying it's a bad thing.
I just want to understand it, Like, in what ways
does that show up? Come on, Britt, tell me what

(39:40):
you tell me? In what ways does my ego show up? Work?
When you it correlates with confidence. But when you walk
into a room and things are supposed to be you're
quick and sometimes sharp when correcting other people. So I

(40:00):
can well, because not a bad thing. I don't think
she's not saying it's a bad thing. You asked a
specific question okay, but let me say how you perceive.
But let me say that she perceives that as ego.
I don't you perceive that as work. I perceived that
is in I care about something because I know what

(40:21):
I'm doing is important, could be potentially hopefully that's the
goal important to somebody, And so when other people don't
show up, it makes me. You know, I don't have time.
That's that's different. Ego is I don't because I don't

(40:43):
want people to beat me up and go. But ego
to me, honestly is when you compete with other humans,
I'm going my show has to be number one. My
show has to be fucking Okay, you're not going to
be number one. I mean it may get great number
you know what, everybody's not gonna identify. You understand what
I'm saying. So so that's where ego shows up. Does

(41:06):
that make sense? Absolutely? Whoa I aspire to be like
this person? Or comparison? Is this a trap? A trap?
Comparison is a trap. We don't do that. But I
will say this in there because because what you're trying
to do in in in that moment is be better

(41:26):
than that person. And the sad thing about it is, Yes,
your show is great, and I'm talking to myself, but
you're not going to connect to everybody because everybody don't
identify with you. So check your fucking ego because somebody
else may deliver the message in a way that somebody
else will hear it better than the way you're delivering
the message. That's why you gotta check your fucking ego.

(41:49):
And this room for everybody. Just because your show is
great doesn't mean somebody else's show can't be great. Like
me as an actress, how do I? How am I
the fucking greatest? Well, all this good work out here?
How can That's how I have to check my ego?
So how does that Because we were talking about this
before you got here, about the awards. When you get

(42:10):
nominated for an Oscar and you show up that night,
how much how much of your ego is in that room?
I have checked my ego first of all, or my
ego has been checked because when I didn't get nominated
for Katherine Johnson, where I played a rocket scientist, smart, intelligent,

(42:33):
beautiful woman, I didn't get nominated, right, But when I
played the help who wasn't as glamorous and I was
supporting in the supporting category, I was nominated. I gotta
check my ego again. See when you get in. I
was very clear when I had my conversation with guys,

(42:56):
said I want longevity. I want work that school to
last beyond my my life on this earth. I want
work that people are gonna study long after I'm gone. Right,
I'm very clear on that. And a lot of times
that doesn't come with the accolades. But the accolades are

(43:17):
the people studying, ain't going. See this moment right here,
I'm saying yes, in this moment, I finally understand it's
not necessarily this thing that man gives me and say
because men are fickle. Humans are fickle, and what they're
feeling is the best thing that year. You know, I
have no control of that. And also those awards are political.

(43:40):
I don't give a funk what you say. How do
you go this one is better than that? But let
me tell you why. I understand you now it Just
when you would keep telling me you have to have ego,
it wasn't connecting for me. Right now I understand you
know why. I get it. Here's why I get it.
So when I got nominated for the people always were like,
you gotta be in the Radio Hall of Fame. I
was like, fuck the Radio Hall of Fame. What does
that do for my everyday life? How does that serve?

(44:03):
How does that That's when you know you have to

(44:26):
be like the ego has to kick in a little
bit because I did, like I have to show up
for all those things from like you said, because it's political, right,
and so I had to. But again, is that ego?
I don't know. That's like representation. Representation is important. Here's
the thing, Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying. Ego is good.
You gotta have it, don't shut it. You need it.
That's the thing that gives you a confidence. That's the

(44:48):
thing is it gives you a gisp. Like you have
to have ego. But ego unchecked is detrimental. I'm not
saying you can't have ego. You have to have it.
We all have it. We all have That's like I said,
that's what gives us our confidence, right, but you have
to check it and you have to keep it grounded
because the ego unchecked is when you get somebody who

(45:10):
thinks they're better than you are the greatest and it's like,
I'm gonna tell what you're not gonna do. You're not
gonna diminish my word? Why do we kick into that
that that's like, that's rooted in drama, that's rooted in drama,
trauma or trauma, you know, trauma, TA definitely trauma. That's

(45:32):
that's rooted people telling us that we couldn't be anything
that's rooted in us not seeing enough representation of people
that came from where we came from and had success
that's rooted in all those things. And see, for me,
I didn't take it and be like I'm gonna be
the greatest. I was like, we can be the greatest,
like just because like you know what bucked the funk
out of me and not get it. But when Viola

(45:55):
won the Emmy and I this is what I would do.
It's anybody, I don't care who that was, Like you went,
I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna cook, and that's
who I am. But it was a very weird moment
in that room. In that moment, no one everybody was
like huh. And then it was a headline, why is

(46:16):
this a headline? I was a little irritated by that.
Really irritated. It irritated me because that's what you do.
Like why is this a headline when humans are happy?
You know why? Because it was. It was a great moment.
It was just a little weird when that was a
headline when her like even though they just they gave

(46:36):
Viola all of the the glory and the press, but
it was like, it really just needs to be that,
Like her speech was incredible. Why that? I guess what
you I do anyway? Like what? But I get it
because the room was it was a strange moment, like
I was expecting the room like but it was like hushed.

(46:59):
It was like what is she doing? Like what y'all
don't do that. Y'all don't celebrate your friends, like whatever, Okay,
I accepted it. It was fine, but it was a
weird moment for me. You gave Regina that's what I do.

(47:19):
That's what I mean. And I when I saw that,
and she was like, because you know that's my friend, right,
And she was like, oh my god, Like I knew
I won when you opened that envelope because I was like,
because you know that's my friend, she knew, you know
what I mean? Like everybody wanted it to be. Oh

(47:40):
my god, are you kidding me? We grew up watching her. God,
I'm so glad for her to have gotten her flowers.
You know, while she's still here. You know, she's a
she's a She's definitely a gift, a gift in the
arts and a gift as as a friend. You are
a gift too, baby, Thank you. I hope you go

(48:02):
to Bali and I hope this pivot in this shift
is otherworldly and you come back and you give us
this version of Taragi that we've never seen before. That's
what I'm hoping for. I just for me, Like I said,
I just I want to tap back into that raw
happiness that I that I had and got lost somewhere.
I don't know I'm gonna find it though, I'm fighting.

(48:24):
You got you got people in your corner. Yeah, I know,
I feel it. I love for you, guys, I feel
your prayers. I do love you. I love you more Toagi,
p Hess and everybody.